Diary of a New Driver - Chapter Four

To read the previous chapters, click below:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

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Chapter 4: Maniac Driver

   “Since you did so well last time,” my father began as we climbed into the car, “I thought we’d take things to the next level.”

Oh no. Not the road, please not the road, please, please, please…

“Let’s test your skills on an actual road.”

NOOOOO!!!!

I desperately tried to come up with an excuse for why that was a terrible idea.

“But it’s Saturday Dad, there will be more cars on the road.”

“You gotta learn somehow. I’ll grab the wheel if I have to, but I know you can manage just fine.”

Great. As if I haven’t had enough chances to die. I think we’re really pushing the Lord’s protection here.

“Now I know you don’t like the gas pedal, but once you get on the road, you’ll have to quickly come to speed. This is Maryland and the people here don’t tolerate slow drivers, especially not on this road. The speed limit is 40, but most people do close to 50. Now remember…”

Of all the states Dad and Mom had to pick to live in, it would have to be Maryland. Where, not only do people drive like stressed-out maniacs, but everyone has a high-paying job. Which means, if I get in a wreck, they could quite literally sue my pants off! And I somehow have to learn how to drive on these roads? This can’t end well.

“Sound good?”

“Uh… sure.”

“Alright, proceed forward and turn left, making sure to wait for a gap in the traffic before turning onto the road.”

I executed a jerky turn out of our driveway and advanced cautiously, convinced that death awaited me around every bend and after every stop light.

Why are these lanes so narrow? And why is the oncoming lane so close? It’s like the roads haven’t changed since the 1800s when buggies were still popular!

In my effort to avoid, what I was certain would result in a head-on collision with the opposite lane, I was unknowingly straying too close to the curb. Dad was quick to notice.

“You’ve got to steer in the center of the lane,” he said, grabbing the wheel and forcibly directing the car away from the curb. I panicked.

“But… but the oncoming lane! We’re too close, we’re gonna crash!!”

I desperately tried to turn the wheel against my father’s direction, but he held it fast.

“No, we’re not too close. There’s more room than you think. Just keep in the center of your lane and we’ll be fine.”

Dad released the wheel and I reluctantly maintained the, in my opinion, much-too-close proximity to the center line. Cars whizzed past me in rapid succession. My knuckles whitened as I gripped the wheel. It’s a wonder there aren’t ten fingertip-shaped dents in the rubber of the steering wheel.

This must be how soldiers feel in the middle of a battlefield.

Another stream of cars zipped past me.

Bullets pepper the mud all around us. Hold your ground men!

The road gently sloped upward and I accelerated.

There’s a break in the fire. Onward! We’ve got to take this hill!

Suddenly a huge tractor trailer came barreling down the hill.

Oh no, they’re firing the heavy missiles! Hit the dirt!!

The tractor trailer passed me with a whoosh and I thought I felt the car sway.

Whew, that was close! Everyone up, we’re almost reached the top.

As the car crested the hill, the scenic view of a winding road bordered by fertile trees greeted my eyes.

We’ve made it! Such sweet victory! Such glorious accomplishment! Indeed, the road may be difficult, the path may be rough, but oh, the feeling of a conqueror. Oh the taste of freedom! Oh the sense of liberty! For in this modern buggy, I can go anywhere, do anything… I can be free. The noble patriot truly asks, ‘Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it Almighty God! I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or GIVE. ME. DEA…

“At this next light you’ll want to make a right turn,” Dad instructed, interrupting my lofty ruminations.

Slightly disgruntled, I merely nodded in reply.

Humph. My train of thought hath been derailed! What was I thinking about? It was so interesting… oh well, it’s gone. Probably should focus on the road anyways… hmm, wonder what those little bumps are up ahead?

“... take it too fast and you’ll rip the axle off your car. So just obey the speed signs and you’ll be fine.”

Rip the… oh boy. What was the speed limit on this road? I think he said forty… should probably slow it down to around thirty just to be safe.

So focused was I on the road, that I failed to notice the 20 mph sign next to the speed bump. As the car jolted over the bump, Dad winced, and I felt myself come up off the seat.

Woah! Hey, this fun! Kinda like when you’re on your bike and ride really fast up a hill and then catch some air when you go over the top. Let’s do that again!

Dad relaxed his grip on the seat and cleared his throat.

“You took that bump like a native.”

I glanced over at him.

“That’s a good thing right?”

Dad suppressed a smile.

“Well it’s good you’re getting comfortable with the car, but let’s take this next speed bump a little slower. Remember, the speed limit for the bumps is twenty.”

Twenty?! Oh wow, I did take that kinda fast. Well, at least I know how to drive like a native. 

I grinned.

But the smile faded and my brow furrowed as I thought about the “stressed-out maniacs” who ruled the roads of Maryland.

Then again, maybe that isn’t such a good thing.

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What was your first experience driving on a real road? Are there speed bumps in your area?