Diary of a New Driver - Chapter Five

To read the previous chapters, click below:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

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Chapter 5: A Drive in the Park

“So where do you want to drive today?” Dad asked as I once again settled into the now familiar driver’s seat.

“Uhmmm…”

Let’s see… where’s a place with few cars and low speeds? Oh, I’ve got it!

“How about the park?”

“Good idea. Do you know the way?”

“Not really.”

“That’s ok, I’ll direct you. Turn left out of the driveway. Don’t forget the blinker.”

I happily proceeded down the road.

This will be nice. A scenic road. Hardly any cars. Low speeds. Why didn’t I suggest this sooner?

I turned into the entrance and ambled along on the winding road.

“Be on the lookout for small critters like squirrels or chipmunks that might run out into the road. You don’t want to hit one of them.”

Concern grew on my face.

“Would a small creature like that really damage the car if I accidentally hit one?”

“No, but you would be the one scraping his guts off my tires.”

“Oh.”

Note to self: avoid, at all possible costs, hitting a squirrel, chipmunk, or other small woodland creature. I repeat: AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!

I drove on, warily scanning the road for anything with a tail, fur, and the propensity to jump out heedlessly into the road. Up ahead, I noticed several large speed bumps spaced only a few yards apart.

Oh boy, not again.

“Why are there speed bumps here?” I wondered aloud, quickly decelerating to about 5 mph.

“Probably has something to do with all this rigging up in the trees,” Dad responded, leaning forward to get a better view out the windshield. I chanced a glance as well.

Woah… hold on, is that a person dangling from a rope? Why on earth is he swinging from the trees??? What, does he think he’s an ape? These liberals, trying to be one with nature. If he’s not careful, he’s going to become one with the pavement!

“Oh, I think I know what this is,” Dad said, settling back in his seat.

“Let me guess. How-to-become-a-monkey boot camp?”

“No,” Dad chuckled. “It’s the treetop obstacle course thing the park was advertising. Looks like they’ve finally got it set up.”

I blinked.

“Doesn’t look like much of a set up. Just some ropes, ladders, platforms, and not-so-safe-looking safety harnesses. I can see the rust from here!”

“Yeah well, I suppose it all adds to the adventure of the experience.”

I shook my head in disbelief and continued to drive slowly, eying both the tops and bases of the overhanging trees.

Humph. I have to look out for squirrels on the ground and humans in the trees. What a backwards world!

As we continued, more and more cars appeared parked alongside the road, indicating we were approaching the main park area.

“Even though the speed limit is 20, I would do about half that because there may be people in these parked cars, and if one of them decides to step out of their car without looking, you need to be prepared to stop.”

I nodded and adjusted my speed accordingly. Just as Dad had warned, a couple stepped out of their vehicle a few yards ahead, without bothering to check the road behind them. They proceeded down the middle of the lane hand-in-hand. I slammed on the brakes fuming.

Oh how sweet YOU TWO PEA-BRAINED LOVE BIRDS! Y’all are so love-blind and love-deaf you don’t even notice a giant hunk of metal on wheels right behind you!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF CITY TAXES DO YOU THINK THE SIDEWALK IS FOR???

Dad noticed the frustration on my face.

“Just wait, they’ll move.”

I harrumphed, but managed to restrain myself from pounding on the horn. The two eventually discerned that they were in danger of being run over by a large vehicle with a gas-happy teen behind the wheel, and wisely moved to the sidewalk. I scowled at them as we passed. Fortunately they didn’t notice.

After circling around in the parking lot, Dad directed me out the park exit.

“Let’s go back the way we came and then I’ll show you a different entrance into the park.”

We drove around the park in what felt to be a circle until Dad pointed out a partly hidden entrance several yards ahead.

“Turn left into there.”

Ok, slow down, left blinker, gently turn… and here we are! Hmm, this looks similar to the other entrance, just a little narrower and without those crazy people hanging from the … WAIT... WHY IS THERE A VAN COMING STRAIGHT TOWARD ME??? There isn’t enough room for the both of us!!! WHY ISN’T HE SLOWING DOWN? WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW???

“D… Dad…. what do I do??”

The car came closer and I panicked further.

HE'S HEADED STRAIGHT FOR US! I’M FOR SURE GONNA DIE THIS TIME!!!

“What is this idiot doing?” my dad practically shouted. “This is an entrance not an exit!”

Dad reached over and blasted the horn, startling both me and the opposing driver, who quickly slowed to a near standstill. Grabbing the wheel from my hand, Dad carefully maneuvered the car around the clearly confused driver. It seemed to take an eternity for the two vehicles to pass each other on the narrow lane. Finally, we were clear and I cautiously proceeded forward. Dad noticed my trembling hands.

“Would you like me to drive home?”

I nodded mutely. Pulling over, I fumbled with the seatbelt and stumbled out of the car, my knees nearly giving way as I attempted to walk to the passenger’s side. Gratefully, I collapsed in the seat, my thoughts tumbling over each other.

That car… it was coming at me… the lane was so narrow… I NEARLY DIED…. AGAIN!! And it wasn’t even my fault this time! Why do these things happen to me??? Ok Gloria, deep breaths… it’s ok, we’re still alive… I think. Quick, commence systems check: legs? Yes, they move. Toes? Yep, still got ‘em. Arms? Still attached. Fingers? Cold, but responsive. Ok, I think we’re good. We survive to fight another day.

I’m definitely gonna need some chocolate when we get home.

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What has your experience been when driving in parks? Have you ever hit a squirrel or chipmunk?